Self love languages

To say 'I love you' one must know first how to say I

~Ayn Rand, the Fountainhead

A love language is the way that a person prefers to express love to and receive it from a partner. This was a concept that was brought by an author and a counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman , who proposed five specific love languages. He explained this love languages as emotional needs in relationships and which remains popular to this day.

"Different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways"

A language allows us to convey meaning to each other which means to understand and to be understood. It is a powerful tool that can be used to build, repair and destroy relationships. There is no difference when it comes to love languages.

Since we are building a relationship with ourselves, that's where the 'self' in self love languages comes in. This is more of a tool for strengthening communication between individuals through self awareness.

In relationships, you can possess a combination of several love language styles. The goal is to help others understand how you give and receive love that validates all parties. This tool is useful in creating a greater understanding and making closer bonds in relationships.

The same way we see it important in relationships with others, it's the same way it's important in a relationship with yourself. Fostering a loving relationship with yourself helps with incredible healing, connecting with others more authentically and builds that positive connection with yourself. As much as you see the importance of knowing both you and your partner's love languages, it's of the same importance you know your own self love language and also practicing each of these love languages with ourselves.

The five common language that we all know and the ones Chapman talked about are:

1. Acts of service

2. Receiving gifts

3. Quality time

4. Words of affirmation

5. Physical touch

Today I'm going to be showing you how you can express this love languages on yourself.

Showing up for yourself

This bests describes acts of service. It is an act that demonstrates love or making another person happy. This love language is preferred by those who feel most love or cherished when someone does things for them. This can be doing an errand, house chores, cooking and many more.

What about ourselves? When it comes to act of service to ourselves, most of us keep it last. It is easy to priotize other needs in front of ours and that's self punishing. This happens when we have low self image, were neglected or have a lot of self loathing. Focusing on someone else is easy because it's less emotionally charged.

But we need to understand that neglecting to take care of ourselves only reinforces negative beliefs we have about ourselves making it an unhealthy cycle. To take care of yourself and show that you care about your own well being, you must start small and genuinely.

Examples of acts of service that can apply to yourself is;

1. Completing a chore that has been bugging you or stressing you.

2. Doing something just for your own comfort such as lighting a candle, making your bed, organizing your closet, airing out your room etc.

3. Ordering groceries or picking them from a store. Make sure you are feeding yourself first before helping others.

This are just few examples of acts of service for yourself. There are many more obviously but if this is what you love doing for yourself then it's your love language. You can also practice some of these actions individually and it might end up being life changing.

Showing yourself generosity

This is referred as receiving gifts. If you feel more better when you get yourself something nice then receiving gifts is your love language.

Sometimes we work so hard for people you care about by spending on them but we become miserly with ourselves. We become so selfish with ourselves which makes us feel like we don't deserve to invest in ourselves. I am here to tell you that you are worthy and you do deserve good things. Allow yourself to gift yourself things without guilt but with joy. Remember that generosity starts with oneself.

The consensus of self gifting can be:

1. Gifts that cheer you up or give you joy.

2. Gifts that make your life less stressful like a household tool.

3. Gifts that bring you comfort like a scented candle.

4. Gifts that nourish you like flavoured tea or a good cooked meal.

5. Gifts that help build great memories like road trips or cameras.

6. Gifts that remind you of your worth like a journal or a framed quote.

7. Gifts that honour your body like skin and body care products.

8. Gifts that add companionship to your life like pets.

You don't have to spend a large amount of money on yourself. Consider your budget too. There are thoughtful gifts that you could get yourself that are affordable.

Spending quality time with yourself

Let's see it in this way. When you want to establish a good relationship with someone, you often spend time with this person so that you get to know them better. You wish to give this specific person your attention and time to establish that connection in the relationship. This applies here too but the only difference is by yourself.

Similar to this, we unconsciously regret not taking time to ourselves. We can consider giving others time but forget to take some time to be mindful of our own.

Learn to set some time to yourself. You are just as important as your loved ones and to understand what your body, mind and emotions need, you need that quality time to yourself. You might be wasting your time on someone that is misusing that valuable resources of yours.

All that can change and here are some ways to set time and boundaries with others and restore value to your own quality time.

1. Recognize when you are exhausted - instead of jumping straight into bed after a draining event, have a refractory set "reset" time period. Honor that rest well by yourself without shame or guilt.

2. Block off your unplugged hours and guide them well - Limit your social media usage during this specific time you've kept to yourself. This helps preserve more time for you especially if it's time to unwind and reset after a long busy day.

3. Decline usage of your time that would put you at overcapacity - Sometimes when things get too overwhelming, it's better to recognize a way to drop or decline some things that you are not ready for to preserve that time for yourself. This can be an invitation, a relationship etc. Remember there more of these but there's only one you.

Affirming yourself with words

Think of that one beautiful thing that you've told or someone has told you. Since we are humans we crave for such enlighting words to make us feel special

Words can heal and at the same time they can destroy. Imagine someone insulting you to your face with your personal weakness. That wouldn't feel good, would it? We oftenly give kind and encouraging words to people we love but we find ourselves hating on our own selves due to some imperfections.

I don't think you'll be able to keep that one person who keeps unencouraging you. That's what you should do to yourself. Don't keep that one side of yourself who says hurtful things just because you don't reach that beauty standart or because you made a mistake. Love isn't supposed to hurt like that and you can't keep hurting yourself if you truly love yourself. Keep on reminding or giving yourself affirmations. Encourage or even reward yourself. We are not perfect but embracing our imperfections makes us accept and see the beauty in ourselves. If you made that one mistake, remember it doesn't define you. Life is too short so look at that mirror and remind yourself how worthy you are.

Examples of affirmations are;

• I appreciate my hard work

• I am proud of myself

• I'm doing a great job

• I deserve the best

• I am smart and creative person

• I deserve to be loves

• I am beautiful and confident

Be kind to your own body

This best describes the language of physical touch.

Have you ever denied the chance to sleep despite of your body being exhausted.?Have you denied yourself a chance to eat or even eaten late and developed stomach issues or metabolic imbalance as a result?

We have been to a point where we have neglected our bodies' needs or even abused our bodies. We possess our bodies autonomy but truth be told, sometimes we don't make the smartest choices with it.

We feed our bodies with harmful substances and ignore the fact that our bodies need love and care. We refuse to acknowledge, let alone radically accept and nurture our bodies, has lasting psychological and emotional effects.

We need to accept that our bodies require a healthy relationship with us and this means giving it the attention and care that it needs. This experience helps in connecting with our body and to understand what it loves and hates. It's also a better experience to love and accept it just the way it is and to give it more respect.

Here are some good starting points on how you can care for your body that are highly recommended.

Embrace yourself

• Work on changing your inner negative self-talk to more accepting narratives. Your body listens to what you say about it.

• Comfort yourself when you are upset, afraid, hungry, or in pain. It is not selfish to do so. Give it what it needs when it asks for it.

• Acknowledge your physical needs. If you need more physical affection in a relationship, don’t settle for less. If you can’t work out 7 days a week, don’t. If sitting with your legs up is more comfortable, do that.

Nurture Yourself

• Find a sustainable, balanced way to eat that satisfies your health needs and your taste buds. Don’t berate yourself for less than ideal food choices. The point is to nourish, never shame.

• If you have been feeling off or poorly about your body lately, do something for it that brings you joy. A manicure, massage, soft hoodie, favorite snack, long walk, cuddling, or new haircut are all ways to comfort your body.

Honor Yourself

• Honor your body with your words. Don’t use negative body descriptors about yourself; it doesn’t help and does injustice to how much value your body has. You are more than your weight, height, hair, nose, scars, wrinkles, or smile.

• Don’t be careless with your body. Use it in ways that bring you comfort, strength, peace, and fulfillment. It’s not a disconnected tool to be used, abused, or neglected. Be mindful of how you treat your own body.

• Unfollow or unlike social media accounts (or delete apps) that may be triggering or encouraging body shaming. Have a zero-tolerance policy for messages that encourage dishonoring or dismissing healthy bodies

In conclusion, acknowledge your self love language and use it to show yourself love and care during this love season♥️❗

You are the only person that is with you your whole life. Not even your family or loved ones can make a boast. You have to love yourself or else it will be a long miserable life.