You Are Not a Project: Learning to Stop Fixing Everything

“Your skin is a story, not a mistake.”

“Your body is allowed to be human; you are allowed to be unfinished and still beautiful.”

Hey Sunny, 💛

So, let’s start with something I’ve been insecure about for the longest time, the hyperpigmentation on my body. For years, it felt like this secret little storm cloud following me everywhere. Every time I looked in the mirror, my brain would immediately shift into “fix mode,” and I’d spiral into another round of Googling ridiculous things like “overnight hyperpigmentation cure” or “best body lotions to erase dark spots.” And as a result? I became a Vitamin C lotion loyalist. A disciple. A committed soldier. If it didn’t say “brightening,” I wasn’t even glancing at it. I was so obsessed with the idea of correcting my skin that I didn’t allow myself to try all those fun, yummy-scented lotions that kept calling my name from the shelves. I’d see cocoa butter, vanilla swirl, oatmeal honey, mango burst… they’d all be like, “Hey bestie, give us a chance,” and I’d just walk past them with tunnel vision because I was so deep into “Operation: Fix Everything I Don’t Like.” Looking back, it’s wild how I denied myself small joys just because I thought something about me needed correcting. I was trapped in a cycle of constant self-editing, forgetting that my skin wasn’t failing me. I was failing to extend softness to myself.

TikTok University: The Lesson I Didn’t Know I Needed...

“Sometimes healing begins with someone saying, ‘This is normal.’”

Enter TikTok, the place I get my recipes, life lessons, unnecessary tea, and apparently emotional breakthroughs. Yes, I know, all my references come from there. Just accept it; I live there part-time.

Anyway, I came across this creator who genuinely changed everything for me. She said the internet has made “normal” look abnormal, especially when it comes to women’s bodies. And wow… that hit me like a friendly slap. She specifically talked about how for African women, hyperpigmentation is literally just biology doing what biology does. Our melanin is powerful, responsive, and honestly a little dramatic. It likes to show up where there’s friction, folds, rubbing, sweat, heat, movement, like underarms, inner thighs, knees, elbows, necks. These areas naturally produce more melanin to protect us. It’s not a flaw. It’s not a skin crime. It’s not a sign that your body is failing or unkept or unpolished. It’s melanin doing her job. For the first time, I realized I was fighting nature, not a problem. And the craziest part? My ancestors probably walked around with the same melanin patterns with zero stress. But here I was stressing myself into lotion monogamy because the internet convinced me something normal was abnormal. That TikTok video genuinely felt like someone took my shoulders, shook me gently, and whispered, “You are fine. You are normal. Breathe.”

The Obsession to “Fix” Everything...

“You are not a self-improvement project; you are a person living a life.”

That moment opened a whole new truth: I wasn’t just trying to fix my skin; I was trying to fix my entire self. Every tiny inconvenience felt like something that needed correcting. And in this era of glow-ups, self-improvement routines, Pinterest-perfect habits, and productivity girlie checklists, it’s like we’ve been programmed to believe something in us is permanently “under construction.” Fix your personality. Fix your routines. Fix your diet. Fix your relationship style. Fix your emotional wounds in seven steps. Fix your hobbies until they’re profitable. Fix anything that seems slightly off. But in trying to fix everything, I forgot I was human. I forgot I’m allowed to exist without turning myself into a perpetual project. I had convinced myself that if I wasn’t improving, I was failing and that’s such a dangerous lie. Because real life isn’t a renovation cycle. It’s a balance between healing, enjoying, messing up, growing, laughing, resting, and simply being. I had to learn that some things don’t need transformation. Some things need patience. Some things need softness. And some things simply need me to chill and enjoy a sweet, scented lotion without analyzing the ingredient list like a scientist.

The Unlearning: Normalizing Normal...

“Not everything different is broken, and not everything broken needs fixing.”

Part of growing emotionally and mentally is learning to normalize what’s actually normal. Hyperpigmentation? Normal. Stretch marks? Normal. Soft belly? Normal. Mood swings? Normal. Feeling imperfect? Normal. Having days where you don’t feel like a goddess? Also, normal. We have to stop letting the internet turn our natural bodies into problems. Your body is not malfunctioning. It’s living. It’s growing. It’s responding. And when I finally stopped micromanaging my skin, I felt this huge release, like I’d been clenching my entire soul for years. It felt strangely rebellious to pick up a vanilla lotion that didn’t promise to lighten anything. It felt like choosing joy over judgment. Like choosing myself. And the truth is, accepting your body doesn’t mean you’ll never want to improve anything again, it just means you stop bullying yourself in the process. Healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about peace.

Enjoying Life Without Turning Everything into Work...

“Joy does not need a productivity score.”

Here’s another thing I realized: we even try to fix our joy. Hobbies become side hustles. Reading has to count as personal development. Rest must be earned. Self-care must be aesthetic. And somehow, pleasure needs a purpose. Can we breathe for a moment? It’s okay to enjoy things without turning them into tasks. It’s okay to read fiction because it makes your heart flutter. It’s okay to paint horribly. It’s okay to journal messily. It’s okay to buy a lotion simply because it smells amazing. It's okay to enjoy life without turning it to a social media post. Some joys should be meaningless, that’s what makes them magical. Balance isn’t about optimizing everything; sometimes it’s about letting small pleasures exist without being judged. Life becomes softer when you stop grading yourself.

✨ To My Sunnies…

“You are allowed to be soft. You are allowed to be unfinished. You are allowed to be enough.”

My loves, I hope you remember this: you are not a project. You are not a list of things to fix. You don't need to be polished to be worthy, or perfect to be lovable. Your body is not betraying you; your insecurities are not failures; your softness is not weakness. You are allowed to explore, to try new things, to enjoy scents that make you feel beautiful, to accept your skin without over-analyzing it. If you’ve been treating yourself like a problem to solve, I hope this is the sign you needed to slow down and hold yourself gently. You deserve to exist without pressure. You deserve rest, joy, pleasure, softness, curiosity, and peace. Let yourself be human; beautifully, chaotically, imperfectly human. You don’t need fixing. You just need love.

If this blog felt like a warm cup of tea to your soul, don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss these soft little rambles I pour my heart into. And if you want to keep up with me outside this cozy corner of the internet, come hang out with me on Instagram at @_.selfcare_diary, and check out my podcast Navigating Life Diaries for more soft chaos and cozy life updates. I love having you in my little universe, and I hope you stay for many more stories, laughs, and tender truths. 🌞💛✨