Gifting Myself Christmas: A Soft, Playful Love Letter to My Inner Child

“I am human before I am productive.”

“Sometimes the gift is not the object — it’s the permission.”

First of all, hi Sunny, 💛

I owe you a tiny, gentle apology.

We didn’t have a blog post last week, and I know. I felt it too. But life has been doing that thing where it asks you to sit down, lock in, and quietly map out the future with a cup of tea and slightly tired eyes. I’ve been strategizing for next year, dreaming ahead, rearranging thoughts, and trying to make sense of where I’m going and I promise, I’ll talk about all of that in a future blog before the year ends.

For now, I won’t promise consistency this month. December is soft, busy, emotional, and slightly chaotic and next week is Christmas week. I’ll be spending time with family, resting, laughing, probably overeating, and honestly just being present. I’m not entirely sure there’ll be a blog post next week, but the week after that? I’ll gently ease myself back into consistency.

This week has been busy. I’m tired. And rest is not a failure, it’s maintenance.

Christmas, China Square & Choosing Myself...

“Sometimes the tradition is simply showing up for yourself even if it starts in a shopping aisle.”

Speaking of the Christmas season, the other day, I found myself at China Square, doing what I do best: wandering, daydreaming, touching things I probably didn’t need, convincing myself everything was essential, and accidentally healing parts of myself.

I went in with the very bold lie of, “I’m just browsing.”

Ten minutes later, I was holding random items and whispering to myself things like, “This would look cute in my future apartment,” and “This is not an impulse buy, this is emotional stability.”

At some point, the line between shopping and therapy completely disappeared and honestly? I was fine with that.

I decided to buy myself Christmas gifts.

Not because anyone forgot me. Not because I was lonely. But because I wanted to create a Christmas tradition just for me, something intentional, soft, and a little magical.

I actually started this tradition last year, which I shared on my podcast in an episode titled Holiday Hangovers, Content Struggles and My Boundary Era. That episode holds a special place in my heart because it marked the beginning of me choosing myself without guilt, without explanation.

The Christmas I Always Wanted...

“What I missed as a child, I give to myself now.”

Growing up, I always wanted to celebrate Christmas properly.

You know the kind, the ones you see at your cousin’s place, or in Disney Christmas movies. Where there’s a tree glowing softly in the corner, people sitting on the floor, laughter floating through the room, and gifts being opened slowly under twinkling lights. The secret Santa moments. The warmth. The sense of togetherness.

I saw it everywhere except in my own life.

And while I didn’t get to experience that as a child, I’ve learned something powerful as an adult: I now have free will. I have choice. I have agency. And most importantly, I have the ability to create the memories I once longed for.

So, I did...

Before anyone clears their throat and asks, “But why are you buying yourself gifts?” Let me stop you right there.

Because I want to.

Because adulthood is hard.

Because sometimes the only person who truly understands your taste, your humor, and your exact emotional needs… is you.

Gifting yourself isn’t about filling a void, it’s about honoring effort. The effort it took to survive the year. To grow. To unlearn. To rest. To keep going even when motivation packed its bags and left without notice.

And honestly? If the world insists on being stressful, the least I can do is buy myself something small that sparks joy.

Small Traditions, Big Feelings...

“Soft routines can become safe places.”

There’s something incredibly grounding about traditions, especially the small, quiet ones we create for ourselves.

They don’t need to be loud or expensive or Instagram-worthy. Sometimes, a tradition is as simple as buying yourself a gift every Christmas. Or lighting a candle on the same evening every week. Or choosing to rest even when guilt tries to sit beside you.

Creating traditions for myself has taught me that stability doesn’t always come from people or places, sometimes it comes from ritual. From knowing that no matter how chaotic life gets, there is at least one moment I can count on.

Christmas has a way of bringing everything to the surface.

The joy. The grief. The nostalgia. The comparisons. The what-could-have-been.

It’s a season wrapped in lights but filled with feelings and if you’ve ever felt a little out of place during it, please know you’re not alone. For many of us, the holidays highlight the gaps we grew up with, the traditions we watched but never touched.

That’s why being gentle with yourself during this time matters. Why rest matters. Why lowering expectations can sometimes be the kindest thing you do.

A Love Letter to My Inner Child (Who Deserved Better) ...

“I give myself the magic I once waited for.”

That little girl who watched Christmas happen from a distance? She deserved magic too.

She deserved to sit under a tree and feel chosen. She deserved excitement without conditions. She deserved softness without having to earn it.

So now, I do slightly dramatic things like wrap my own gifts and smile while doing it. I buy things I know she would’ve loved. I romanticize the moment. I play Christmas music like I’m in a movie montage.

Is it extra? Maybe.

Is it healing? Absolutely.

Healing doesn’t always look like therapy sessions and deep journaling. Sometimes it looks like walking through a store, smiling to yourself, and quietly saying, This one’s for me.

So, I light the tree. I buy the gifts. I sit with myself. I create the moment. And in doing so, I rewrite a story that once felt incomplete.

I’ll be sharing more details about my Christmas gift hamper on my podcast, so make sure you tune in if you’re curious about what I chose and why.

Soft Reminders for the Holiday Season...

“You don’t need permission to be gentle with yourself.”

If this season feels overwhelming, here are a few gentle reminders you might need:

🌸You are allowed to rest without explaining yourself.

🌸 You don’t need to have your life figured out by January 1st.

🌸 Buying yourself something nice does not make you selfish, it makes you kind to yourself.

🌸Missing a few plans does not mean you’re missing out on life.

🌸Healing can coexist with humor, softness, and a little bit of chaos.

To My Sunnies ☀️...

“Healing is often a series of small permissions.”

If you’re reading this, I want you to pause for a second.

Take a breath. Unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders.

You don’t need to have everything figured out. Not this month. Not this year. Not even next year. Life is not a race, and healing is definitely not a timed exam.

I know December can feel like a lot. Everyone is posting highlights. Everyone seems busy, loved, booked, and blessed. And maybe you’re just… tired. Maybe you’re trying. Maybe you’re holding yourself together with small wins and quiet prayers.

And that’s enough.

If no one has told you lately, I’m proud of you. For surviving this year. For choosing softness where you could’ve chosen numbness. For staying kind in a world that keeps demanding more from you.

If you’re spending the holidays alone, I see you. If you’re with family and still feel lonely, I see you too. If you’re somewhere in between, trying to feel festive while also managing your emotions, you’re not broken. You’re human.

Please remember this: you are allowed to be your own safe place. You are allowed to celebrate yourself quietly. You are allowed to buy the gift, light the candle, play the music, and create joy even if it’s just for you.

I’m so grateful you’re here, reading my thoughts, sharing space with me in this small corner of the internet.

If this post made you smile, feel seen, or breathe a little easier, don’t forget to subscribe to the blog, follow me on Instagram @_.selfcare_diary, and listen to my podcast Navigating Life Diaries.

Before I go, I just want to say this, Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you 🤍✨

Whether you’re celebrating loudly or quietly, surrounded by people or keeping yourself company, I hope this season meets you gently. I hope you find moments of warmth, rest, laughter, and softness in between everything else.

Until next time, my sunnies. Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing better than you think 🤍