Personal boundaries

Hey diary💛,

Boundaries are like fences; they keep you out of what you don't want and protect what you value ~Henry Cloud

To be honest as a recovering people pleaser I do struggle with setting healthy boundaries coz I was afraid to be alone.

I would allow people to disrespect me and at the trade of comfort, people would stay in my life.

We all see how wrong that is. Allowing yourself to be at discormfot just to keep other people around. That is all wrong.

We cannot make everyone happy and love us but we can reciprocate all that to ourselves and this is why setting boundaries is important.

What exactly is boundaries?

These are limits, are rules you set for yourself within relationships in your life.

These boundaries keeps you comfortable and protects your rights as a person.

They may have to do with:

• Physical contact (not feeling comfortable when a stranger hugs you.)

• Verbal interactions (not wanting someone to speak down on you or lower your energy.)

• Your own space (choosing not to have anyone at your space when you want to be alone.)

These breaks down to certain types of boundaries that you can set.

What boundaries do you need?

A way to identify your boundaries is to think about the areas in life you might be facing problems.

By this I mean ask your questions like, do you feel comfortable around someone? Are you constantly exhausted because you are busy doing things to others and don't have time for your own? Does a certain person treat you from disrespect? Are you comfortable with how one treats you?

These kinds of problems show you that you lack boundaries.

If you struggle with setting boundaries, here are the type of boundaries you can set.

Understand each type of boundary and identify specific boundaries you may need.

• Physical boundaries

This is a type of boundary that deals with the safety of your body and space.

This enables you to have your privacy, right to be touched and meet your physical needs

You tell others how close they can be with you, what physical touch is okay (Incase there's any), how much privacy you need and how to act in the presence of your space.

This defines that your body and personal space belongs to you and shouldn't be disrespected.

• Sexual boundaries

This defines what type of intimacy you want, how often, when and with who

It protects your rights to consent and to ask and understand what you actually like.

Remember just because you are dating doesn't mean sexual activities are compulsory. If you are not ready, don't force yourself to do it until you are sure you are ready.

• Emotional/ mental boundaries

You have the right to your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings invalidated and not to be responsible for what people feel, this boundary protects all that.

It helps you differentiate your feelings from other people making you accountable for your own feelings and not theirs.

Setting this boundary can also create emotional safety by respecting other's feelings and not over sharing personal information that doesn't align with the level of closeness in the relationship.

• Spiritual / religious boundaries

This helps you protect the right of freedom of worship, what you believe in and practice of spiritual or religious beliefs.

Don't let anyone disrespect you for what you believe in. Respect your beliefs and what other people believe in.

• Financial and material boundaries

This makes safety for your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money the way you want to, to give or loan money if you don't want to or you are uncomfortable and your right to be paid as agreed by the employer or client.

• Time boundaries

This protects how you spend your time.

It protects you from getting your time wasted by people, agreeing to do things for people even if you didn't want to do them or it makes you feel overwhelmed and being overworked.

• Non-negotiable boundaries

These are basically also known as deal breakers.

There are boundaries that you must have to feel safe.

They mostly deal with safety issues such as physical violence, emotional abuse, drug abuse, fidelity and life threatening situations.

Why do you need to see boundaries?

Setting boundaries is a form of communication that deals with your needs for healthy interaction.

This helps you create healthier relationships in your life and also creates a life where you are comfortable, safe and you are respected as a human being.

Creating and setting boundaries can be hard and uncomfortable sometimes but you need to look at what is best for you.

I do struggle with creating certain boundaries coz I am scared that I might lose the people that I love but at the end of the day I realize that I have to put myself first and learned that I deserve to be respected.

The moment you are scared to lose people, you will end up losing the most important person which is you.

Remember that people in your life can be there for a season but you are stuck with yourself your whole life.

Don't let people take advantage of you, set a boundary and if it's not met or respected, remove them from your life.

Don't lose yourself at the expense of building others. It is not your responsibility to fix someone. Fix you and set healthy boundaries for healthy relationships.

Train your brain that the only person you need is yourself.