Solo Dates & Soft Bravery: Learning to Show Up for Myself

“Courage doesn’t always shout — sometimes it quietly crosses the street, orders a meal, and sits down with shaky hands and a tender heart.”

Romance doesn’t start with someone loving you. Sometimes it begins with ordering your favorite drink, alone, on a Tuesday, and realizing — this moment is still worthy of celebration

The First Time I Took Myself Out…

Hey Sunny💛,

I remember the first solo date I ever went on. It was my birthday — April 3rd, 2024 — and honestly, it was a moment filled with so much anxious energy I still giggle about it now. For the longest time, I had romanticized the idea of taking myself out. I’d see girls online sitting in cafés with their books and iced lattes, and I’d whisper to myself, “one day.”

And that day came.

I’ve always struggled with birthday depression — that gloomy cloud that floats in uninvited when you’re supposed to feel celebrated. I got tired of waiting for people to show up for me, so I made a quiet decision that year: I’m going to show up for myself.

I picked the restaurant. A cozy spot I had been to before with family, tucked inside Bihi Towers, right in the heart of Nairobi CBD. I thought, “This will be simple.” But of course, anxiety had other plans.

There I was, walking around town like a confused extra in my own movie — searching for a building I already knew, completely disoriented. The chaos in my head grew louder than the city itself. I started panicking, my breath became shallow, and soon enough, I was having a full-blown panic attack. I felt like something was pressing on my chest. Everything blurred.

That’s when kindness found me.

A security guard nearby noticed. He gently offered me a seat, brought me some water, and sat with me until I calmed down. When I told him I was looking for Bihi Towers, he chuckled — it was literally across the street. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

Still, I didn’t turn back. I crossed that street, anxiety in hand, and took myself out. I had a good meal, a good drink, and gifted myself a necklace and a slice of cake on the way home. A quiet revolution in my soft girl journey began that day.

Why I Date Myself (Even If I’m Still Scared) ...

“Loving yourself isn’t loud. Sometimes it’s sipping juice alone at a corner table, learning to enjoy your own company one bite at a time.”

If you’ve listened to my podcast — Navigating Life Diaries — you’ve probably heard this story in my episode "Happy International Margie’s Day." I’ve talked about how solo dates are now part of my monthly routine, and even though I’m still scared every single time, I keep going.

I have social anxiety. That voice in my head still asks, “What if people think I’m weird for being alone?” And before every solo date, I find myself searching YouTube for “solo date vlogs” just to remind myself I’m not the only one doing this.

But here’s what I’ve learned: romanticizing your life doesn’t require a partner — just presence.

I go out because I love discovering new restaurants, new foods, new pockets of peace in this city. I go out to remind myself that I don’t have to wait for anyone to make me feel special. I’ve tried Japanese food, Ethiopian dishes, rooftop cafés, and little bookstores tucked away like secrets — all by myself.

And here’s the best part: I always share my solo date experiences on my podcast — just for you, the one who wants to do it but feels scared, who has social anxiety like me, who just needs a little nudge to start. I hope my stories remind you that it’s okay to go slow, to be nervous, and still show up for yourself.

I also go out to breathe. To get away from the noise of everyday life and meet myself again. And along the way, I’ve discovered things I love (and hate), which helps me show up better in relationships too.

Solo Dates Don’t Have to Break the Bank...

“Luxury isn’t the price tag — it’s the intention. And baby, your presence is priceless.”

Let me be honest — I don’t always have the money. Some months, all I can afford is a cold drink at a quiet spot. And that’s enough.

My first solo date only cost me Ksh. 700, and yet it felt like a luxury. Why? Because I did it for me.

So no, you don’t need to wait until you’re rich or healed or in a relationship. You just need a little courage and a sprinkle of softness.

Ideas for Low-Cost Solo Dates (Soft Life Edition) ...

“It’s not about what you do, it’s how softly you do it. Even the tiniest rituals can feel like magic when you do them for you.”

Here are some gentle, cozy, not-too-expensive things you can do on your own:

• 🍹 Go to a café and get one drink — sip slowly, scroll, or journal

• 🥪 Pack a snack and have a picnic at a public park

• 📚 Visit a bookstore or library and get lost in stories

• 🎧 Take yourself on a long walk with your favorite playlist

• 🍜 Try a new meal at a local food joint or food court

• 🍦 Buy yourself ice cream and people-watch from a bench

• 🛍️ Window shop and try on outfits just for fun

• 🕯️ Create a solo date at home: light candles, dress cute, eat dinner with a playlist

• 🎥 Watch a movie alone at the cinema (the power move of soft girls)

• 🧁 Bake or cook something new, just for you

The goal isn’t extravagance. It’s intention.

🌼 To the Sunny Reading This…

“You are not too much for doing life softly. You are brave for choosing joy in quiet ways the world doesn’t always understand.”

If you’ve been scared of going out alone, this is your sign. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You can get lost. You can cry in the middle of town and still cross the road, walk into a restaurant, and take yourself out with love.

There’s bravery in that. And softness. And magic.

💌 Come Along for More Soft Adventures…

“This is your invitation to the soft life — chaotic, cozy, dreamy, and deliciously yours.”

If this post made you smile (or tear up just a little), I’d love for you to join my soft girl journey.💖 Follow me on Instagram: @_.selfcare_diary🎙️ Listen to my audio diary aka podcast: Navigating Life Diaries (available on all platforms)

I’m always sharing my solo date stories, my skincare routines, my random thoughts, and my self-care chaos — and I’d love to hear yours too.