Who Am I, really? A Gentle Dive into Self-Concept

"Sometimes the biggest journey is not across oceans, but within ourselves."

The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation ~Carl Rogers

✨ The Mirror We Hold Within...

Hey Sunny, 💛

The other day, while watching a cozy little YouTube vlog, I stumbled upon a word that felt like it was made for us, self-concept. The moment I heard it, I couldn’t help but smile because it ties so beautifully into what we always talk about here: self-care, self-love, and the quiet work of becoming our own safe space. It felt like a whisper meant for me and of course, for you, my Sunnies 🌸.

We grow up surrounded by voices parents, teachers, friends, society; all telling us who we should be, how we should act, and what we should want. With so much noise, it’s easy to forget the sound of our own voice, to lose the outline of our own identity. Personally, if you were to ask me, “Who is Margie?” I wouldn’t really know what to say. My answer would probably revolve around other people in my life, the roles I play, rather than the essence of who I truly am. And I know many of you might nod along because you’ve felt that too.

But here’s where self-concept quietly walks in. It’s more than just a fancy word; it’s the picture you hold of yourself. It’s the story you tell yourself about who you are your worth, your dreams, your struggles, and the gentle light you carry within. It’s the mirror only you can look into and say, “This is me.” 🌿

✨ The Theory That Found Me...

“Self-concept is not about perfection; it’s about meeting yourself gently, in all the places you are and all the places you’re still becoming.”

In my little rabbit hole of research, I discovered a humanistic psychologist named Carl Rogers, and honestly, Sunnies, he feels like the gentle guide we didn’t know we needed. He’s the one who really gave shape to this whole idea of self-concept. Rogers believed that the way we see ourselves isn’t random; it’s layered, delicate, and deeply tied to how we move through life. He divided it into three beautiful, yet sometimes conflicting, parts:

🌿 Self-image — This is the lens through which you see yourself right now. It’s the version of you that whispers, “This is who I am today.” It’s built from memories, roles, and reflections we gather from others. Sometimes it’s bright and strong, sometimes it’s foggy and uncertain.

🌿 Ideal self — Ah, the dreamer in us. This is the version you imagine when you close your eyes at night, you who has finally bloomed into every vision you hold. It’s the soft sketches of who you want to be; confident, healed, thriving, free.

🌿 Self-worth — Perhaps the most tender of all. This is the value you place on yourself, the quiet question of, “Am I enough?” It’s not just about what you do, but how much you allow yourself to matter in your own story. And if we’re being honest, so many of us wrestle with this one, measuring our worth by productivity, approval, or the love we give away.

Carl Rogers believed that when these three parts, how we see ourselves, who we want to be, and how much we believe we matter align in harmony, that’s when we feel whole. But when there’s too much distance between them, that’s when the ache begins. And I felt that deeply, because haven’t we all stood there, caught between who we are and who we dream of becoming?

✨ When the Mirror Matches… or doesn’t 

“Peace is not found in being flawless; it is found in making peace with who you are, while still reaching for who you dream to be.”

Carl Rogers also spoke about something called congruence and incongruence, big words, but at their heart they’re about the harmony (or disharmony) between our inner worlds.

🌿 Congruence is when your self-image, your ideal self, and your sense of worth are in alignment. Imagine standing in front of a mirror and, instead of cringing, you actually smile not because you’re perfect, but because what you see feels true. Your reality and your dreams are close enough to touch, and you carry a quiet peace inside. This doesn’t mean you’ve “arrived” or checked every box, but it means your story feels authentic, and that authenticity breathes ease into your soul.

🌑 Incongruence, on the other hand, is when the reflection doesn’t match the story in your heart. It’s when your self-image whispers, “I’m not enough,” but your ideal self is screaming, “You should be more!” It’s the gap between who you are and who you long to be, and sometimes that gap feels like a canyon. This dissonance can lead to anxiety, shame, self-doubt. The kind of weight that makes even small steps feel heavy.

Rogers believed that much of our emotional struggle comes from this mismatch, this tug-of-war between our present selves and our imagined selves. And I think so many of us can relate. How many times have we chased productivity, beauty, or approval only to feel that we’re still falling short? How many times have we looked at our dream life with longing, but then looked at our reflection with disappointment?

Yet here’s the gentle truth Rogers offered: congruence doesn’t require perfection. It begins with acceptance with holding space for who you are right now while still nurturing the dream of who you want to become. It’s in those soft, honest moments of self-care where we remind ourselves, “I am worthy even in the becoming.”

✨ The Many Dimensions of Who We Are...

“You are not one thing, but many things, layered like soft petals — each dimension unfolding in its own time.”

Self-concept isn’t just one straight line; it’s a whole constellation of stars that form the picture of you. Psychologists often break it down into different dimensions, and each one colors how we move through the world.

🌿 The Social Self – This is the version of you that exists in relation to others: the friend, the sibling, the daughter, the colleague. It’s the self-shaped by how you’re seen and how you want to be seen. Sometimes it feels like wearing a mask, sometimes it feels like home depending on whether you’re moving in spaces where you feel accepted or misunderstood.

🌿 The Personal Self – This is the tender inner world that no one fully sees. It’s your quiet thoughts, your private dreams, your quirks and insecurities, your humor that only you laugh at. It’s the part of you that blooms when you’re alone with your cup of tea or scribbling in your journal, away from the eyes of the world.

🌿 The Ideal Self – This one overlaps with Rogers’ ideas: the self you aspire to. Maybe she’s softer, calmer, wealthier, healthier, happier, the “dream version” of you that lives in your head. Sometimes she motivates you; sometimes she overwhelms you. But she’s always whispering reminders of the life you want to create.

🌿 The Real Self – This is the anchor, the “right now” you. She carries both flaws and beauty, both failures and victories. She is the one who cries at midnight and the one who still wakes up in the morning, ready to try again. Too often we dismiss her, rushing toward the ideal self yet she’s the one who deserves our love the most.

🌿 The Self-Esteem Dimension – This is where self-worth comes in: how much value you give yourself, regardless of how others see you. It shapes whether you walk into a room with your head down or with a gentle confidence. It’s fragile sometimes, built on the shaky ground of approval, but the more we root it in acceptance and compassion, the stronger it grows.

Each of these dimension's dances together to create your self-concept. Some days, one takes the lead, other days, other hums in the background. But all of them are part of you, the mosaic of your becoming. And the beauty of it is this: you’re allowed to explore, to shift, to redefine. You’re not a fixed identity; you’re a living, breathing, evolving self-story.

✨  The Way We Show Up in the World...

"The way you see yourself is the way you meet the world — water your self-concept gently and watch how life blooms in return.”

The way you see yourself isn’t just a quiet thought in the background — it’s the script that guides almost everything you do. Self-concept becomes the lens through which you filter the world and depending on whether that lens is foggy or clear, the view can feel very different.

🌿 In Relationships – If you see yourself as unworthy, you might settle for people who don’t value you, accepting crumbs instead of the feast you deserve. I’ve been there. I know how it feels to stay in spaces where love felt conditional, where I was undervalued. I’ve shared pieces of that story in my podcast, and I’ll continue opening up about relationships in future blogs because I know so many of my Sunnies relate. The way you define yourself sets the tone for the kind of love you accept.

🌿 In Confidence – Your self-concept whispers in your ear before you speak in class, at work, or even when you post online. If it’s grounded in doubt, you shrink back; if it’s rooted in belief, you step forward. I still struggle with this; confidence doesn’t come naturally to me but I’m learning to fix it little by little. I’ll be sharing more about my journey with confidence in future posts because I know it’s something we all wrestle with. That tiny inner voice saying, “I can” or “I can’t”? That’s self-concept, deciding whether you’ll try or retreat.

🌿 In Self-Care – How you view yourself affects whether you treat rest as a luxury or a necessity. If you believe you’re only worthy when you’re productive, you’ll feel guilty for pausing. But if your self-concept includes the truth that being human is enough, you’ll sip your tea slowly, you’ll nap without shame, and you’ll allow your body to be a body, not a machine.

🌿 In Dreams and Goals – Here’s where it gets poetic: your self-concept writes the boundaries of your imagination. If you secretly think “I’m not capable”, you’ll dream small, afraid to ask the world for more. But if you carry the self-concept of someone becoming, someone worthy of her dream life you’ll dare to dream big, chase opportunities, and take risks that once felt impossible.

🌿 In Everyday Choices – Even the smallest things; how you dress, how you talk to yourself in the mirror, how you handle mistakes, all trace back to self-concept. Do you scold yourself for being imperfect, or do you laugh gently and try again? Do you hide your true quirks, or do you let them sparkle in the open? Every act is a reflection of the story you tell yourself about who you are.

At the heart of it, self-concept is like the soil in which your life grows. If the soil is poor, the plant struggles. If the soil is rich, the plant thrives. The good news? Soil can be nurtured, just as your self-concept can be reshaped with patience, self-awareness, and compassion.

✨ Blooming into the Self You Dream Of...

 “The self you dream of is not a stranger. She lives within you, waiting for you to recognize her reflection.”

The beautiful thing about self-concept is that it isn’t fixed in stone, it’s clay, soft and moldable, shaped by every thought, every choice, and every tender act of love you offer yourself. You don’t have to stay trapped in the version of you built by other people’s voices. You can rewrite the story, slowly, softly, like painting over an old canvas with colors that finally feel like you.

🌿 1. Gentle Self-Talk – The way you speak to yourself matters more than you know. Swap “I’m not enough” with “I’m still becoming.” Swap “I always fail” with “I’m learning as I go.” Speak to yourself the way you would to your younger self, with patience, softness, and belief.

🌿 2. Scenario Journaling & Visualization – You already know how much I love scenario journaling. Write about the version of you that you dream of becoming. What does she wear? How does she move through her day? What thoughts does she carry? This isn’t delusion, it’s practice. The more vividly you imagine her, the more you step into her shoes little by little.

🌿 3. Small Acts of Alignment – Instead of waiting for a grand transformation, start by living in small ways that match your ideal self. If she drinks water first thing in the morning, do it. If she dresses in clothes that make her feel alive, start with one outfit. These small alignments whisper to your self-concept: “See? I am her already.”

🌿 4. Boundaries That Protect You – A healthy self-concept knows that “no” is sacred. Protect your time, your energy, and your heart. Say no to people who drain you, to environments that suffocate you, and to voices that make you shrink. Every boundary you draw is a love letter to the girl inside saying, “You are worth protecting.”

🌿 5. Self-Compassion in Failure – Instead of beating yourself up when you stumble, pause and remember even the strongest flowers bend with the wind. Failure doesn’t define your self-concept, your response does. Offer yourself grace and remind yourself that growth often hides in the cracks of imperfection.

🌿 6. Celebrate Yourself Loudly – Don’t wait for others to clap for you. Clap for yourself. Celebrate the small wins, the tiny progress, the quiet mornings you got out of bed when it was hard. Every celebration plants seeds of confidence in your self-concept.

🌿 7. Surround Yourself with Mirrors of Love – Your environment reflects back who you believe you are. Choose people, spaces, and content that mirror back kindness, encouragement, and possibility. If you constantly consume love, beauty, and inspiration, your self-concept starts to believe it belongs to you too.

Self-concept is not a one-day project, it’s a lifelong relationship with yourself. Some days it will feel easy, other days heavy. But with consistency, patience and playfulness, you will begin to see yourself not through the eyes of doubt, but through the eyes of truth.

🌼 To My Sunnies...

“The way you see yourself is the foundation of the life you build — so let it be gentle, let it be kind, let it be true.”

At the end of the day, self-concept is not about becoming a perfect version of yourself, it’s about learning, unlearning, and gently holding space for who you are right now while still reaching for who you dream to be. If there’s one thing I want you to take away, it’s this: you are not defined by every voice that ever tried to tell you who you should be. You get to rewrite the story. You get to choose your reflection. You get to bloom in your own time, in your own way.

So, to my Sunnies: take this as your reminder that your self-concept is a canvas, and you are the artist. Paint it soft, paint it bold, paint it with all the colors you’ve been told were “too much.” Because you? You are not too much. You are exactly enough. 🌸

✨ If you loved this post, don’t forget to follow me on Instagram @_.selfcare_diary for more soft self-love musings, and tune into my podcast Navigating Life Diaries where we go deeper into these conversations. Oh, and make sure to subscribe here so you never miss a new entry in our diary. 🌿