Shadow self

Shadow is a word brought by a swisss psychiatrist called Carl Jung and he explains it as aspects of the personality that we choose to reject or ignore.

This means that everyone has this part that we basically don't like or we know the society won't accept this part of ourselves, which leads us to push those parts into our unconscious psyche's and it's what Jung referred to shadow self.

I know there those who will be reading this and be like " I love myself and everything about me so this cannot be true" but the thing is that you have that part but you just are unaware since we distance ourselves mentally from those behaviors, emotions and thoughts that we find dangerous and leading to our minds pretending that it does not exist.

Some of these shadow aspects are aggressive impulse, fears, unacceptable sexual desires, immoral urges, mental images, shameful experiences etc.

Origins of the shadow

We know in order to "fit in" to the society we feel like there are certain behaviours, emotional patterns, sexual desires and lifestyle choices that are inappropriate.

Human beings are social creatures and we wouldn't want to be excommunicated from the society and that leads us to do whatever it takes to "fit in".

When we decide not to go down that road we suffer the pain of society backlash. We get judged, condemned, gossiped and honestly that leads to unpleasant emotions and become overwhelming. Unfortunately this brings about internalizing society's backlash so deeply that we inflict it on ourselves.

The only way to deal with this is to mask the pain. We continuously tell ourselves stories about who we are, who we are not and what we would never do to protect ourselves from suffering from the disadvantages of being an outcast and we get to believe those stories. Once we get to develop a belief of something, we discard any information that's in contrary with that belief.

In psychology, it's called confirmation bias. This means we tend to interpret and ignore information in ways that confirm what they belief.

The problems is that we all possess that quality that the society sees undesirable and we are all secretly failing to meet those standards. We try to be " perfect" and that masks our flaws. Jung called these social masks as our 'personas'.

Common shadow behaviors

• Playing victim constantly on every situation

• A savior complex

• Projecting your insecurities on others

• Willingness to step on others for your own gain

• Quick temper

• Harsh impulsive judgement

• Manipulating others

• Resist change

Why do we need to know our shadow self

When we learn to face our shadow we can become more whole and balanced. This means if we can set better boundaries and feel joy more better. We are more likely to find contentment then be stuck in one side of the emotional spectrum.

Knowing this will also improve our relationships. When we learn to accept and understand ourselves, the more we will be able to accept and understand others.

Jung connected the shadow to the creativity. The more we feel free emotionally, the more we are free to express ways that we think and accomplish things. When we deny things about ourselves, they will not disappear. They will grow in power and cause more difficulties mentally and emotionally.

We receive so much about what is acceptable and what is not from the society and those unacceptable things about us are pushed to the shadow.

The best thing we can do is work towards accepting, learning and integrating rather than rejecting it.

How to embrace our shadow self

• Become a curious observer

This is about bringing the unconscious mind to our conscious awareness which is known as shadow work.

You do this when you notice certain patterns and themes that keep up showing up in your life. The more you’ll learn to spectate your mind, the more you’ll see how and when your shadow self influences you.

• Practice being nonjudgmental towards yourself

As you learn to observe your mind and shadow, you have to do it without being judgmental or putting yourself down. Allow yourself to experience the shadow emotion without judging yourself.

• Work with a professional

Sometimes shadow work may be hard on your own and it’s always advisable to seek a professional.

Find a counselor or therapist which is nonjudgmental, supportive, caring and whom you feel safe to share about your experiences.

• Meditate

This is a great way to learn how to observe your mind. It can help people develop great consciousness and learn to embrace their shadow emotions.

• Shadow journaling

This is also a great way to start your shadow work journey.

It allows you to put down all your thoughts into paper offering a deep opportunity for reflection.

As I said everyone has a shadow and learning to integrate and embrace it is not a walk in the park. Accepting your shadow self creates a better understanding of the process of shadow work and our experiences.